The Onion: Gay Teen Worried He Might Be Christian.

Too funny, spiced with a pinch or three of sad: Obama Tells Nation He’s Going Out For Cigarettes.

Report: Majority Of Newspapers Now Purchased By Kidnappers To Prove Date.

Instant classic from The Onion: 90% Of Waking Hours Spent Staring At Glowing Rectangles.

The Onion on the ongoing struggle to rebrand The Rock.

Hmm. So do I tag this post “therock” or “dwaynejohnson”?

ONN: Franz Kafka International Named World’s Most Alienating Airport. I love the backdrops, especially the madly spinning clock. (via waxy)

It’s awfully nice to have an administration that embraces science, and not just because of what it might mean for my scalp.

The Onion wraps up their grisly series:

• Bush Tumbles Wildly Down Washington Monument Staircase
• Crocodile Bites Off Bush’s Arm
• Bush Passes Three-Pound Kidney Stone
• Bush Dragged Behind Presidential Motorcade For 26 Blocks
• Bush’s Eyelid Accidentally Nailed To Wall
• Single-Engine Cessna Crashes Into Bush

Finally, mercifully, Bush Dies Peacefully In His Sleep.

Despite its obvious quality, I wasn’t going to link up The Onion’s Macbook Wheel report because EVERYBODY already did, but it makes for a nice two-fer with this xkcd strip.

The Onion: Supreme Court Overturns Bush v. Gore

My wife found this browsing The Onion's back catalog (from last year, posted about a month after the tour concluded): Non-Doping Cyclists Finish Tour de France. Hysterical. I won't ruin it by posting any of the funny bits here, but wait until you get to quote that comes right AFTER this bit:

"It became most difficult for us on the 7th stage, which was almost 200 kilometers and the first stage through the mountains," Kvistik said while accepting the non-doping victor's 100-franc check from his stretcher.

On the serious side, today Mark Sisson reposted on his site his piece, Should We Allow Drugs in Sports? I linked to it before when it was hosted on Art De Vany's site, but it's worth the re-link. Whether you agree with the conclusions or not, it's a must-read. Very thought-provoking.

Wow, I thought The Onion was for laughs, not dead-on predictions. From 2001: Bush: 'Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over'. Spooky. Via Waxy.

It will be nice to have a president (with any luck) who reads.

And, to get off of politics, I'm sure this is old news by now, but I just saw this today, and I can't stop watching and smiling: Where the Hell is Matt?

Two via kottke:

• Novelists Strike Fails To Affect Nation Whatsoever
• A.J. Jacobs makes George Clooney Google himself, and then some. Fantastic.