I’m a bit behind, but finally read Burkhard Bilger’s fascinating article on escaped exotic pets making a home in Florida (abstract only, unfortunately). It’s ostensibly about invasive species, but for me the real entertainment was in learning how awesome Burmese pythons are, and how committed they are to swallowing once they start:

One python in the Everglades was found with a great blue heron stuck in its throat. The bird’s bill had poked it way through the back of the snake’s head, and was widening the hole every time the snake tried to swallow it. When the python was on the verge of getting caught, it disgorged the bird and slithered off—presumably to hunt another day.

Then there’s the gruesome story of the 13-foot python that swallowed the 6-foot alligator. But what topped it off for me was the final page of the article where we learn that Nile monitors are running amok in Cape Coral:

Like pythons, they are spectacular animals that make terrible pets. Up to seven feet long, with stout legs, tapered jaws, and skin that seems to be encrusted with semiprecious stones, Nile monitors are notoriously aggressive and ill-tempered. When cornered, a monitor will stand on its hind legs and hiss, inflating its body and lashing its tail like a bullwhip. In the words of one biologist, “no one realizes the ability this animal has to tear off your cat’s head with one twist.”

Also, they are totally non-discriminating carnivores; if it’s made of meat, they’ll eat it. They are fearless, and, get this, they hunt in packs.

Note to self: no camping in Florida.